Our Attitudes and Beliefs Determine What Our Lives Will be Like
That may seem like a bold statement to you… let’s unpack it and see if you agree.
First of all, as I write this, I’m thinking primarily about couples.
However, it’s actually a universal truth—it applies to all of our relationships, including our relationship with ourselves.
Our beliefs and attitudes can be called mindsets. They determine the “lens” through which we experience the world.
We aren’t even aware of most of our mindsets, because we consider them our “truths” and we don’t think about them.
However, our mindsets are the result of our upbringing and the meaning we have put on various experiences along the way.
For example, if we have the mindset that (other people’s) children are annoying, then when a child cries or grabs a toy or yells “NO”, then you become annoyed. Conversely, if you have the mindset that children are fascinating and have trouble communicating because of their age, then you might have compassion for the child and come to their aid.
In relationships, if we see our partner as controlling (a mindset), then a request to do something may be interpreted as a controlling demand. If we don’t have this mindset, then we might just experience the request as a simple request.
Can you see how we determine our experiences by how we think?
Think about what you are thinking about.
This is a key to changing your relationship to a happier one.
It’s powerful to realize that you can actually become happier if you become aware of your mindsets (your beliefs and attitudes) and work to change them.
When we shift our mindsets, a familiar thing may happen, but our experience is very different. With the new mindset, we are able to experience a fuller range of emotions and possibly give our partner the “benefit of the doubt”.
The bonus result of this mindset shift is that you get happier. And that’s goodness!
To try this out, here are the steps:
- Awareness. Don’t skip this. It’s very important. In several interactions over 3 or 4 days, make note of how you are thinking about the other person. And write these down.
- Ask yourself, does this attitude, belief, mindset make me happy or interfere with my happiness
- If it doesn’t make you happy, you might decide that you want to change this belief.
- Think of what you would like to be able to think in this situation
- Practice that new thinking.
Like anything, it is easy to write down the steps, but much more difficult to achieve them.
PS: If you want more information and support, look for my new home study course for couples coming soon. Also, you can contact me at: email@example.com for support right now.
Private Couples Coaching is available now, via telephone and video.
PPS: If you are ready to create a breakthrough in your relationship, I invite you to take my free assessment for couples here.