What Do Autumn and Relationships Have in Common?


Autumn is such an exciting season! It is a true transition time, and we can see those changes daily with both the temperature and the leaves dropping.

It’s also harvest—a celebration of the abundance of crops resulting from an abundance of work in the rest of the year.

It begins with celebration of the harvest and warmth, then ends with hunkering down against the cold temperatures.

As a child growing up in upstate New York (Albany), I was thrilled to see pumpkins arriving in the stores and thinking of how they can be carved to make a spooky jack-o-lantern…. and fresh-crop apples, just licked with frost so they’re crisp and juicy or warm apple cider on a chilly autumn day.

Raking those beautiful leaves now that they’re crispy and playing in huge piles before they blow away again.

As an adult, I still love all of those thing, plus wine grapes being pressed and beer broken out to celebrate Oktoberfest.

There’s also another side to the autumn transition though, isn’t there? 

As autumn develops, temperatures drop.  The trees shed their decorations. Squirrels begin scavenging for food to hold them over and bears get fat to survive the upcoming winter. We find our winter coats and gloves, to keep warm against the cold outside.

Inside, lights come on, the fires are lit. But daylight is short.  We drive to work in the dark and return in the dark.

Autumn, then, is a transition from celebration of abundance and preparation for the winter.

From warmth to cold.  From light to dark.  It begins with abundance and ends with barren ground.

That’s the cycle of nature.


Our relationships have seasons and cycles, too. There are times when we celebrate the abundance of love, harmony and joy in our relationship.  At other times, we become aware that we’ve gotten colder toward each other and more remote. Our thoughts, like the leaves, have fallen away from the main trunk of our love, which sustained us, and now we’re hunkering down emotionally cold, and distant.

Nature rolls along in predictable cycles which are easy to see. We are acutely aware of the natural changes but cannot stop them

We CAN, however, change our relationship cycles, even though it can seem that we can’t.

In fact, once we become aware of the cycles, we have the tools to alter the trajectory of our relationship.

In this season of Autumn, could you decide to enhance the abundance in your relationship and minimize the cold and distance? Could you be the one to re-ignite the warmth and protection against the cold, for you both?

Think about your relationship. Where is there abundance?  Is there abundant love, trust, dependability, money, responsibility?  Do you have fun together?

Where is there coolness and distance?  Where are you two hunkering down and avoiding the cold (trouble)?  Do you talk to each other with criticism?  Are you communicating with each other much anymore?  Do you argue often?


Celebrate the abundant areas.  Actually, do something to celebrate them—write your partner a note, text.  Speak your gratitude when you’re together.  Buy a cupcake to mark that awesomeness.  Carve a pumpkin together.

Work to change any coolness or distance.  Uncover the difficult parts. Vow to yourself to speak gently to your partner this week, to be slow to anger or to escalate an argument.  Light a candle and talk honestly about your relationship.

Your efforts will be worth it, because you really can change your relationship, single-handedly, if necessary.

So, bundle up, light candles and stay warm.  Invite warmth into your relationship and there will be something wonderful to celebrate.

With love,


I would love to hear what you do to celebrate, share with me below!




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *