Why Do Couples Wait for Crisis to Seek Help?

Only about 10 percent of couples seek help in early stages of relationship problems.  This is true in general and also for the more than 1000 couples who have arrived at my couples’ therapy office in the past 30 years. The other 90 percent have been near a crisis in their relationship when they finally seek help. 

At the crisis point, the amount of disconnection, resentment and hurt is already extensive and it takes much longer to get back onto the path of connection and fulfillment.   Continue reading “Why Do Couples Wait for Crisis to Seek Help?”

Reflection: The “Secret Ingredient” to Being a Great Partner

What is that secret “something” that great partners do?  Reflection.

This means they think about their day, their interactions, their parenting, how loving they have been, and any number of other relevant topics.  In doing this reflection, they are able to learn from their experiences, both successes and failures, and then adjust, based on what they just learned.   Continue reading “Reflection: The “Secret Ingredient” to Being a Great Partner”

Power of Gratitude

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in relationships, work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery. Continue reading “Power of Gratitude”


When we identify something in our relationship that needs to change, it’s easy to say to yourself, “Yes, I will make that change”.  However, if you are like most of us, after the first few days of making the change, you tend to slip back into old patterns.  In fact, our brains are wired to make it likely that we’ll slip back, at least sometimes. Continue reading “COMMITMENT to CHANGE – IT’S COMPLICATED!”