Karin and Joe had been together for 8 years.
They had had gradually become disconnected from each other and didn’t talk about important things because they ended up fighting when they tried to talk about issues.
Eventually, they found themselves with many unspoken disagreements which resulted in them holding oceans of resentment toward one another.
They each had thought about ending the relationship, but they loved each other and didn’t want to split up.
Neither Karin nor Joe believed that relationship coaching was going to help them, but they decided to try it, because they were committed to each other and at the same time, very unhappy.
Today I want to share with you 3 distinct ways our mindset/the way we think affects our relationships, both positively and negatively.
If you’ve ever found yourself with any of the thoughts below, this article is for you.
- This is just the way marriage is. It’s useless to try to change it.
- If we really loved each other, we wouldn’t have problems.
- We’ve tried to talk about things but it didn’t go well. It’s hopeless to try to change.
- I’m just a terrible wife/husband/partner.
- I married the wrong person.
- That’s just the way he/she is or I am.
- We shouldn’t need another person to help us. We should be able to fix this alone.
- We tried getting help once and it didn’t work—it’s not a good idea.
Karin and Joe’s Transformation
When Karin, Joe, and I started working together, our first step was creating a shared vision for their relationship. This is the same first step I take any client through when we first start. Karin and Joe were relieved to realize that they still wanted the same things for their relationship, which gave them comfort and hope.
Then we embarked on mindset work, and that’s where we discovered the root of their problems…
Yes, their communication was flawed and their ability to resolve disagreements without anger was poor.
But the real problems arose as the result of the skeptical, negative and destructive mindsets they both held about their relationship.
Whenever they had attempted to grow and change their relationship, in the past, they each found themselves having the thoughts mentioned above.
Their mindsets assured that nothing that they had tried would be successful in changing their dynamics. This is very common for couples facing relationship challenges.
So, before we could work on communication, resolve conflicts with compassion and respect, create emotional and physical connection, and any of the higher attributes of a loving union, we had to tackle their mindsets.
To do this, they first had to become aware of their thoughts. Then, that opened them up to look at the mindsets behind those thoughts. What was the operating system making them think they way they did.
From there, they figured out whether these thoughts were helping or sabotaging their relationship. And, very importantly, whether they could make progress as a couple (which they wanted to do) while holding onto those thoughts.
Ultimately, Karin and Joe were able to transform their partnership from conflict and misunderstanding to connection and respect.
They opened the door to new possibilities and to achieving the changes they wanted. By removing the mindset obstacles, they were free to take powerful steps toward their ideal relationship together.
Now it’s your turn:
What thoughts do you carry about your relationship? Are they helping or holding you and your partner back?
What small shift in thinking can you make to move to a more connected, loving couple today?Want to get updates on future relationship posts? Please visit http://caroljhenry.com/pages/ or https://www.theexceptionalcouplesacademy.com/
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